I am gonna find happiness. And if it is with this illness or if it is when I am cured the only way I am going to find out is if I push the self-destruct button once again and.. Do whatever the hell I want to do for the upcoming few months and if I get ill enough they will lock me away.. And maybe they can fix me this time and I will find happiness when they have cured me.
Or maybe they won't find out and I can live my life the way I want to live it.
Maybe everyone should stop telling me what to do, what to think and how to live my life because I have not made a single decision that has made me happy in over the past few months. I have anxiety attacks, nightmares, moodswings and all I want to do is stop eating and feel alive again.
Is that too much to ask?
Can I have one easy way out, once in my life? Because I am going to lose this fight to battle my anorexia one way or another and I rather dive back in it and enjoy my life for a couple of months than slowly drown in my own misery again.
Fuck this shit. I am back bitches.
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