Sunday, 2 January 2011

The start of 2011.

I've waited a life time to feel the way that I feel now,
I could never imagine that it'd feel like I am walking on the clouds.

I can't believe that my new year has started this good, I was afraid that I would have gained because I drank way, way too much in the last couple of weeks, and I was terrified that all those calories would have knocked me down.
but i think I have now plateaued. So that's both shit and amazing, but I will somehow get rid of those kilograms. I know I can, because somehow, in some miraculous way..

I am now officially together with M.

This morning I woke up on the couch, wrapped in blankets and in M. his arms, we had both fallen asleep on the couch, and even though my brother is usually an ass, and he doesn't really like it that I always somehow fall in love with his friends.. He had grabbed pillows, blankets and had turned the dvd off so we could sleep peacefully. It was 7AM and I had only slept for an hour, but as I woke up I was annoyed, tired and grumpy. Waking up M. was even harder, but eventually we were making out like nothing had changed. I don't know why, or how, but eventually I got upset with him, and started babbling away, like I usually do when I am all upset.
"Can't we fucking get together already?" Were the words that had slipped from my lips and a few seconds later we were together.
This means, I can scratch that from my little list.

It's so motivating to have already achieved something from my resolutions, it makes everything else seem really simple, as if I will achieve everything in only a matter of weeks.
Of course I know it's not the truth, but I am all positive here and happy for now, so I am not going to complain, I like being happy for now.

I am just scared that this thing is going to get in the way of Ana, and if it will.. I have to break his heart, and my heart again. On the other hand, I don't think he will possibly be able to. How on earth is he planning on doing that?
There are some things that M. can do, he makes me smile, he makes me feel fuzzy in my stomach. He's convinced me that life isn't all too bad.. But he can't take Ana away from me, he can't change the fact that I've been diagnosed with an ED.

I'm on the right track with Ana, I am on the right track in my life right now.. I've never felt more relaxed and happy. Nothing can stop us now.
Any ideas/tips/anything to start losing again? I am already liquid fasting and stuff like that but I am afraid that I will need to work harder and harder. Losing at first was easy enough as it is, but the closer I am, the harder it gets.

We will all get there though!!
Bring on 2011, we, the whole ana community. You, my lovely followers and Ana, we will kick ass this year and everyone who thinks that we can't do this, that we are too weak..
We'll prove them wrong.

Love, x


  1. Sounds like M likes you just the way you are :)

  2. yaay for getting together with M! officially! i'm sure it'll all work out hun don't sweat it :)
    maybe liquid fast for a few days and then start a regime that includes a lot of working out? that could surprise the system a bit and kick start some more weight loss. i remember plateauing a few years ago and having to work really hard to dip under a certain weight and it took me can be disheartening but you just have to keep strong and keep at it
    good luck xxx

  3. So happy for you!! :) I'm sure everything will be fine, try not to worry. To him, you are already perfect, just remmeber that xx

  4. There's not much you can do that's more intense than liquid fasting :/ Although once you hit a certain point your body goes into survival mode and won't let you lose weight no matter what you are (or aren't) eating unless you kick the excersize into high gear.
    But I'd recommend putting your energies into the new boy instead of worrying about calories. Which is more important? (don't answer that)