Sunday, 7 November 2010

Only The Strong Survive

Every time we get up though we're destined to fall,
and I am asking myself, is it worth this at all,
every corner we turn we just run into walls,
because loving you feels like a kick in the balls.

Gotta keep on running,
Stay on the attack,
Because the day you quit is the day you wish you had it back.

Ever noticed that with every little step you take, that you start to grow as a person? Even though sometimes it's only one step forwards, two steps back, we're making progress.
We are slowly getting there, we have something we are willing to fight for. We are the few rebels, the few that will never be satisfied with an "okay" we want everything to be perfect.

Even though that my parents have this lame card system, and they force me to eat, I am still making progress, because within a year I'll be out of this house and nothing will stop me from weeks of fasting. It'll be so much easier, I'll be so much happier as soon as I get out of here. But the worst is over, the sky is clear and right now I don't mind it all that much, being here that is.
There are going to be so many days where I will fail, where I will get stabbed in the back and kicked in the guts, where I will cry until I fall asleep. I'll possibly fall in love a million times and let my heart get crushed a few billion times on my way to perfect.
But that doesn't meant that the trip wont be worth it. Because it will change me, and right now I am halfway there. I am one step away from the point of no return, I can now make the decision. Go back, or walk into the dark tunnel hoping that there is light at the end. Knowing me, I will choose for the dark tunnel. Not only because I'd never, ever give up, but because I can't wait for the bumpy road that will lead me towards the light.

I can't wait to fall flat on my face, and cry while I will write a message to you guys. I can't wait to take a few deep breaths before I take every little step.
I am pumped and thrilled, haven't eaten all day yet because my parents have been busy, and I have been suffering from a major hangover, :).

The light will be the point where I can look in the mirror in a bikini, without gagging. The light will be the point where guys will turn their heads as I will pass them, wearing my high stiletto heels (I still have to buy those, but hey we're not there yet) wearing my skinny-skinny jeans and huge sunglasses. I want to be a f-ing barbie, and hell I am going to enjoy it.
I'll be done with high school at the 26th of May, and hopefully I will hear some good news two weeks after that, hopefully I will have passed my A-LVLs (or at least something like that, things are quite different here in the Netherlands) and I will have two or three months to do whatever the I want to do. Work, workout, drink, party and lose lose lose.

At this point the future looks bright, there is a little light dot at the end of the tunnel and I will keep on running towards it, I might stumble, fall, and break my legs but one day I will be perfect. Because I can die tomorrow, but at least I will have been able to say that I have been fighting for something. That my life had a purpose.

I will be perfect.
Even if it will be the last thing I may ever achieve.



  1. This is inspirational. I'm joining you in that dark tunnel.
    Love xx.

  2. Your an inspiration <3 Keep going towards that spot of light and your'll make it out the other side xx

  3. your life already has a purpose hun. you inspire so many people, including me. you're so strong, and you have a whole community on your side. remember that when that little light starts to seem too far away.

    stay strong, think thin, live ana

  4. wow. I think this post just summed up my life in a nut shell. I'm so excited to get out of this house so I can finally control what I eat... just 8 months away (:
    Stay strong
    XX Sarah

  5. Yes, yes you will be perfect.
    (Cher is one of my fave thinspos at the moment, wow)
    love xx

  6. The journey makes the result that much more wonderful. This is such an encouragement. It's important that we don't need to be thin today as long as we keep going and get there in the end. Thanks for the reminder :)

  7. amen to that!! couldn't have put it better :) you will reach that light x