Sunday, 31 October 2010

So here we go (again)

Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that
stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness
that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful
conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain
true to them, your world will at last be built

First, all my love, hugs and massive thankyous go out to the amazing girls that let me wake up with a smile on my face, as I noticed that they had all taken the time to let me know that things will be alright. That Ana would wrap her strong thin arms around me agian, and she has. Firmer than ever.
Cora, Chike, C (x_stick_thin_stilettos_x), Amy, Blake, Annamaria, Tali, Aina and Astra you are absolutely amazingly strong girls and a thinspiration for EVERY SINGLE GIRL out here.
Just so you know.

Ana her embrace is comfortable, it's a firm grip, and I know that at times she'll try and strangle me, there will be times that I want her to loosen her grip, but as all of you said, she will simply hold on. I don't think anyone can be as blessed as we are to have such a constant factor in our lives, a comfort zone.

Yesterday my work organized a party, a huge party which is known as the coolest party in the year. Ana told me to enjoy a small bite of a pizza, she told me that it would be the last thing I would eat in 24 hours. And she was right. Only touched dinner, since my parents forced me to, drank lots of tea and diet coke for the rest of the day.. Just barfed – no more dinner.
Have smoked 16 cigarettes in the last 4 hours. I am feeling content, strong, for once. And I need that, because last night I just broke down in front of everyone, I cried in front of everyone; and no one has ever seen me cry before.

There is this girl at work... Who's the biggest idiot anyone will ever meet (she asked “Christmas is before Halloween, right?” – writes “iphone” as “ipfon” and thinks she is hot- major fail)
Anyway, she decided to flirt with R. Now let me explain this.

R. is the guy I had been making out with during the summer holidays, the one who lifted me up underneath the stars, kissed me yadayada look it up if you care. We had a date last Tuesday and decided that things weren't working out for us and since that moment I have been pretty much heartbroken.
Last night at the party, I told her how horrible I felt after the date, what made her react as if she cared. So when I saw her flirting with him, even though it maybe lasted for 2/5 minutes, I started crying.
Okay, so the alcohol made things worse, but still who would backstab a “friend” or “colleague” like that? I have been making plans to shave her head in the past 12 hours now, she's been complaining that she needs a new hairdo anyway.

The whole thing turned out into one big drama with everyone taking my side obviously but it turned out that I was hugging with the guy who fancies my sister, because I needed someone to comfort me.

Tomorrow will be a good day though, physiotherapist who will check out my back, my fav band will release their new album tomorrow through their supercity,, <3 (only for pioneers, did I tell you already? I made it. I am one of the first f.cking 10.000 who signed up, hell to the f.cking yeah!!), a day of school which means a day of fasting.. and that's it.
I am still working hard on the whole being happy part. But as I said before, I am taking babysteps.. One step at a time, I just don't want to get seriously depressed again like I've been the last couple of weeks.

I just want to live my life. I want to do things my way, I am a huge control freak, and I will always get what I want.
Thinking of uploading some pics so you lot can see what I have to work with.
Can still change my mind on that one though, but we'll see.
I'm off to bed now, extremely tired – only had a little sleep. Don't want to fuck up my metabolism by not getitng enough hours of sleep -that'd be so lame.

Thanks for all the lovely comments, you lot are amazing.


P.s. Happy halloween - :) x


  1. Well done :) It's so good your blogging again, it's a release! And yeah shave her fucking head!!! I would. Strength=beauty, remember that :) xx

  2. missed you there.
    but go live your life too.


  3. i'm sorry that stupid girl was such a cow. i hope she doesn't give you anymore trouble! it's good that everyone supported your side though.
    welcome back to ana...her embrace is uncomfortable and tight as hell sometimes but it's so so worh it xx

  4. aww I'm glad you are back and strong!!
    so sorry for all the boy drama, girls can be scary mean sometimes.. don't even bother talking to her cause she isn't worth it! and if she's not hot like you said, then who cares ??

    have a wonderful month :)