Friday, 29 October 2010

As if.

Help me.

i've never been as desperate as this before.
I just put a knife to my stomach and tried cutting off the fat.

As if.

So I had actually fooled myself that I could.. try and be normal, try and be healthy. And it all just went great until.. until right at this moment.
Cried and puked my guts out.

As if.

I am fat and useless, but I will be back on track as from tomorrow.

Surprise.

As if.

Wanna know, wanna know something funny?

It's all because of one guy.

- What a joke.

I need someone to talk to, preferably right now. No one is reading this, or cares, right?
I wouldn't care about a fat useless worthless piece of shit. Especially not because hey how could I have ever fooled myself that maybe I could be happy, when I would.. Would have been normal.
It all helps for about.. Two weeks. there have been TWO weeks that I have been eating like I used to eat at times that I had therapy. I ate three meals a day, sometimes more. Whenever I wanted to.
Never punished myself.

Until now.

I'm suffering. and I need your help. If someone's even reading, listening, anything? Please, please just try and TALK sense into me. Please, please I need all of you.


I think Ana abandoned me, and it's ruining me. I had totally fooled myself that living without her would be b├ętter for me.

As if.

Talk to me. help me. please.

10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you have to deal with how horrible everything is right now. And it really sounds horrible. Please just try to stay safe.

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  2. im really sorry for what your going through my love. try and stay strong.

    As for cutting the fat off your tummy, i had a dream that i actually did that! it was possibly the best dream ever.

    good luck with everything sweetie.

    Love you

    xoxo

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  3. just always rememeber that anything is possible<3

    when there's a will, there is a way.. no one is worthless.. no one.

    ReplyDelete
  4. you're not worthless. and the most important thing is that WE will never abandon you.
    we all have those days, weeks, months even where things just don't go our way and we feel like crap. my month has been like that...lost virtually no weight and eating like a pig. but we've always got tomorrow to make it better. you have to believe and try to make every moment better than the last. so put away the knife and focus the angry energy into making a plan - what are you going to do to make things right?
    stay strong pretty girl x

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  5. Hun, don't worry yourself. You are going to be fine. With or without Ana. You have all of us... And I promise, Ana never leaves for long.

    feel free to email me, firestarsilver@yahoo.com

    Much love darling, I'm here for you, day or night!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't anyone of us have never felt that way. When I'm feeling worthless, I go to sleep and lock myself in the house..
    If you want Ana to be back, you are the only one who can bring her back.. she is always happy to come back :)

    lots of hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. We are all reading this, we are all listening to what you are saying, and we definitely all care. Very much!
    Ana will come back to you, she never abandons you if you want her there.
    I hope you feel better soon, take care.x
    xx

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  8. Be strong. You may feel alone and rejected but you are not. A guy is not worth this reaction. Stay strong and things will be ok. Look at the comments, there are people out there who cares and will listen to you.

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  9. Everyone reading this cares <3 Don't hurt yourself! not like that. It will not make anything better, you will cause scarring and make yourself feel 10x worse, trust me. You ARE beautiful. And if you don't believe iit, you can work on that by doing whatever it takes. but do not cut your stomach. You could kill yourself, just stay strong and keep talking xx

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  10. I do this for myself, but I've also done this at times for a guy. Doing it for a guy is MUCH MUCH worse! I know how it feels. It should be empowering and fun but when it's for a boy, you just feel trapped and ugly and worthless, even if you're losing weight. I know this pain, I've felt it before. But don't shut down... We all know this feeling. People are here for you, even if only in spirit <3

    ReplyDelete