Sunday, 5 September 2010

So.. Confusing.

And how is everything in the real world,
is anybody left there sane?
think it's time for me to join the minority again

So it's hard to blog when you get both physically and mentally abused so I hope none of you will be upset for my lack of posts. Mum's gone completely mental again and it's sort of impossible to get down on your ED-blog while she's yelling in your ear and pulling out your hair, if she's not too busy with slapping you in the face and kicking you in the gut.

Had a liquid fast on wednesday which went perfect, lost another kilogram. I am slowly getting there. Babysteps, love the babysteps. Thursday was about 500 kcal I guess, school is amazing for me. Not eating all day without anyone noticing. Friday wasn't too great as far as I can remember, mum beat me up and I remember crying and eating fruit all night.
Yesterday another great day, only ate some yoghurt all day. Worked, and had like two pizza slices because they now force me to eat at work. Fun.
After that I have been dancing and jumping around for most of the evening and I made out with R. Again.

I had to sneak out because I was grounded, because I did not feel like eating my red cabbage and my mother immediately connected it with an eating disorder.
If she'd learn how to cook maybe I wouldn't even have managed to get an eating disorder woman, and if you would have never started all the abuse, maybe we would even like each other.
The sneaking out part was the easy part, but finding my friends turned out to be quite difficult as we were meeting up at a girl her house which I'd never been to...
But anyway, back to the subject I would like to rant about. I have been making out with R. again.

Seriously I don't know what's wrong with me. Last night i decided to take it slow with the alcohol, the calories that are in it are now starting to bother me now it takes a whole week to loose little weight.
I was completely sober; I was even bored when suddenly one of the guys I had been making out with two weeks ago asked me if I was at my standard pub. He asked me if I needed someone to take me home, he's a good friend of my brother and he's almost a part of the family; so he knows most of my mother her stupid rules.. One of them being that I am never allowed to get home all by myself.
Wanna know what he did? He lifted me up, holding me up by my ass so I was towering above him, and then he kissed me. Underneath the stars and well to be fair, it was awfully sweet. So sweet that it made me grin the rest of the night; and I don't even like this guy.
It was possibly that no one ever lifted me up and told me that I weighed nothing before kissing me underneath the stars.

Going to possibly see him today, since he's playing a Baseball match on the same location as my sister will be playing a Softball match. Awkward I suppose, but I guess he'll be busy with his friends and stuff like that so it's okay. I should get ready now and take a shower.
I will read all the blogposts I missed later on today, don't worry. :)

Much love,


  1. oh hun i'm so sorry about you and your mum - have you talked to anyone about it? it sounds like you guys need to have a talk with someone else because it's not good that she's beating you.
    ugh that kiss sounds amazing...something you see in movies!! you lucky thing - you deserve it xx

  2. <3 Poor thing! Abusive parents are horrible! <3
    Congrats on the liquid diet loss!
    And that kiss DOES sound amazing! Pity you don't like him ^_^
    Have an awesome week.
    Keep losing <3

  3. sorry about your mother.
    hang in there dearie.