Monday, 6 September 2010
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
It's so easy to just keep going and going until you eventually will collapse. It's so much easier to just stop eating for a certain amount of time and then eventually faint. It's so much easier than when you'll try and eat as less as possible.
Because once you taste the food it's so hard to stop, it's so hard to stop when you start chewing. Because your brains play tricks on you and they tell you that you need more, and more. Fucking awful.
Even though I am starting with this, I had a quite good day. Two glasses of orange juice, a little bit of cereal in the morning and noodles for dinner. Been working for three hours so had enough exercise for the day. My back is aching and I am honestly exhausted. I am laying on the couch after taking in some painkillers and I am now honestly waiting for a decent time to go to bed. My stomach is rumbling but I'll make some tea and some a cigarette which ought to make things better.
How have all of you been? Been reading blogs all night last night until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and I went to bed. Have been talking to one of the friends who knew about my ED but didn't ever had the guts to talk to me about it which was a good thing because I am less hurt right now, She explained why, told me that she was so sorry and that I was allowed to kick her out of my life if I wanted to, but of course I didn't. Because eventually she did tell me, and she felt really bad.. So that's okay.
I am now watching Greys Anatomy on TV so I will now shut up and watch.
Thanks for listening to my boring bullshit.