Monday, 3 May 2010


Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, personality and disposition, and motivation. The English word 'emotion' is derived from the French word émouvoir. This is based on the Latin emovere, where e- (variant of ex-) means 'out' and movere means 'move'.[1] The related term "motivation" is also derived from movere.

Emotions suck, they're easily distracting you from your goal. I have found that it's easier to be numb, to not feel a thing and not eat.
Living at home as a seventeen year old girl is horrible, everyone knows that. But living at home, as a seventeen girl who does not want to eat, that's a nightmare.
And not only from me.

My father has been begging me to eat some breakfast, scared that I am back where I begun. He calls it a "phase".
A phase of weakness, insecurity, fear and depression. He doesn't know that I am worse than ever before. Poor thing.
He's now even making me possibly the healthiest sandwich in the world, because he knows I can't stand all the unhealthy food. He's so sweet, but the fact is. I can smell the sandwich, I can almost taste it and I know, that I will eat it eventually.

Last day was horribly awesome though, first of all, my team is the official champion of the Dutch Eredivisie, we're the f.cking best of whole Holland!! Steve McClaren has honestly done a great job. I only ate one apple yesterday and some fat free yoghurt because my parents forced me to as soon as they got home. After partying like crazy, honestly, you should have been there, I've spend the rest of my day with Gizem, which honestly is awfully comfortable now she knows.
It's a good thing having someone to talk with, it is. Even though she doesn't agree, she won't try and force me to eat, she wont criticize. She knows that I know that she doesn't agree on me losing more weight, she knows that I know that it's not healthy in any way.

I simply don't give a fuck.

I'm extremely tired for jumping up and down for like 6 hours straight, so yeah, I am going to have a lazy day and lay down on the couch. Tonight there is some more partying, so I have to get some energy someway, the food will burn off anyway at the party tonight.
One thing I am sure of.

Stay strong everyone,

Much Love,


P.s. I had a little talk with my boyfriend, things are sorted out. He even said for the first time that he loved me, and that I didn't have to be insecure because he things I am beautiful.
How sweet.
One day he'll think that I am perfect, promise.
:) XX

1 comment:

  1. Well done with your team being the best in holland, that is too cool. I've always wanted to go to holland.
    My parents are the same, they think its just a phase.