Improvement.

Has any of you ever experienced the fact that everything seems to go the way you wants things to go? Didn't it make you feel like you could do anything, anything to face the world and kick some ass? It makes you so incredibly happy that it gives you the feeling you could fly. It makes you feel fuzzy and content, a feeling you should cherish because you have no clue how long it will last.

While I was writing that the mail arrived, and that meant that I could finally see how much money I decided to waste on cigarettes and clothes in Barcelona.

€252,65. WHAT HAD GOTTEN INTO ME?

Oh boy what a dark cloud ruining my perfect sunny day, oh boy. Well, lets try and stay positive.

First of all, I didn't go to school today so I spent the first half of the day reading Eclipse, surely enjoying it after seeing the trailer a few days ago. It's not that I haven't memorized the book yet, it's just that I love to read how much of a screw up Bella seems to be every single second of the day.

It makes me feel better about myself.

I know how pathetic it sounds, but it's the same when I see a fat woman in a store asking for a bigger size. Since I can't be happy, satisfied about my own body or mind, I enjoy the flaws of other persons to relate to, to make sure that I compare myself to those people thinking

'Hey, maybe I am not so worthless after all, at least I'm not..'

It's annoying and not a charming quality to posses, but if it makes my day a tiny bit better, why not? Why should I suffer day in day out because I am still the fat cow I used to be?

Not that there isn't any awesome improvement, I managed to lose some weight, and bake a pizza at the same time. There was no temptation in eating the food that I had made myself, probably because the whole cooking thing is a huge turn off.

It's boring and lame and in the meanwhile I had already been drinking tons and tons of water.

Had the smallest piece there possibly was, just to pretend to eat, and even though it looked like shit, obviously, since I've been the one making it, it tasted good.

Three kilograms is all I wanted for today, but I managed to lose 4, which made me smile, which made me do a little dance, which is an encouragement to eat less and less. No one seems to have any suspicions, no one cares if I skip a meal now and then, everyone is just happy that I am starting to be a bit more like my old self nowadays, that I am smiling more often, that I am more energetic, that I even help out in the house again.

I am starting to feel better, thinner, every day. I can't help but wish that every day could be like this one, that i can look in the mirror with a smile, enjoying the sight of my hipbones. That I am starting to see my ribs as well, I think today, is probably the best day of the week.

Now I should get ready for work, hopefully my boyfriend will come over later tonight to watch some footie together, or simply have a relaxing lay down on the couch.

Hopefully everyone is having a day, as good as mine is right now. Hopefully I am not starting to bore anyone yet with my happy mood and tiny successes.

Much love,

A.Stone