Wednesday, 7 April 2010

The good and the bad.

So it's been a while, and I can't write too much, but all I can tell you guys is that I am back.
My parents found out; kicked my ass and well the last months have been absolutely horrible, so many things happened.. Bleh it is making me sick thinking of it.
First of all, I gained weight, a bad thing.
I also found out that I have mono, which means no more excersises, training, or anything that involves any transpiration at all, a bad thing.
The mono makes me weak, weaker than usual and whenever I have a bad day, I cant do anything but lay down, getting fed by my mother and sleep, a horrible thing.

The one positive thing in my life is that I have a boyfriend, he's honestly the sweetest person walking around. Always telling me I am beautiful, and when he does that, I honestly believe him. I féél beautiful, I am not sure wether that is a good or bad thing, but whenever I am around him, it feels as if he's slowly pulling me out of my comfortable black hole of selfdestrcution and doom.
Whenever I am around him, I am genuinly happy.

Even though he's the greatest thing that could possibly happen to me according my parents, and even though he's the one person who makes me smile like all the time.. I am not too sure on this whole relationship thing, what if he finds out about my "condition", what if he will judge me? Leave me?
One thing I know I am sure of is that I can't handle him leaving me, not when I am all down the black hole and all fat again.
Surely a bad thing.

Though, it has surely opened a door. My parents are absolutely convinced that they have fixed me, as if I am something you can fix like a car, or a bike. It makes them mellow, they let me skip meals, they let me behind my laptop without glaring all the time, they are even allowing me to "eat at a friend's place".
I'm losing the weight and I am not giving up, I never will.

I'm going to take a nap now though, I am too tired to stay awake.

Much love,

No comments:

Post a Comment