Saturday, 10 April 2010

Empty


Em - pty
adj. emp-ti-er, emp-ti-est.
1. Holding or containing nothing,
2. Having no occupants or inhabitants; vacant: an empty chair, an empty dessert.
3. Lacking force or power, an empty threat.
4. Lacking purpose or substance; meaningless: an empty life.
5. Not put to use; idle: empty hours
6. Needing nourishment; hungry: "More fierce and inexorable far/ Than an empty tiger or the roaring sea." -Shakespear

Empty. A word that surely is more than just a word to me, my life is build on that word, or at least it seems like that.
1. Holding or containing nothing. - My stomach, my stomach is not, and will not ever be allowed to hold or contain something. Remember, nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
2. Having no occupants or inhabitants; vacant: an empty chair, and empty dessert. - Even though there are four other human beings in this house, it feels like I am all alone in an old house, just by myself. I don't mind being alone, sometimes alone is better, because when you're alone, there is no one who could possibly hurt you.
3. Lacking force or power: an empty threat. - How many times do I have to listen to empty threats of my parents about calling doctors and putting me away? I believe that they love to see me suffer, see me struggle with myself because they simply love misery in their life.
4. Lacking purpose or substance; meaningless: an empty life. - How much does it suck, when not eating and being thin is actually the only goal in your life? I remember wanting to be a lawyer, wanting to be the best of my class.. Now all I want to be is the thinnest, the prettiest.
5. Not put to use; idle: empty hours. - I can not remember what I do with all of my time. I can't, I can only remember how many calories I consume in one day, and how I can make my parents believe that I am "cured" or as they call it "perfectly healthy".
6. Needing nourishment; hungry: "More fierce and inexorable far/ Than an empty tiger or the roaring sea." -Shakespear - I havent eaten in 18 hours, and my stomach is roaring like the sea at this point, the hunger is literally my worst enemy, because I know that at some point, he will beat me and trick me into stuffing myself with strawberry covered chocolate, or anything with chocolate in general. It honestly does help that I can't remember the taste of chocolate, it makes it easier to reject the roaring of the stomach, screaming for food.

Tomorrow at this time I'll probably be at my boyfriend his birthday, rejecting food as we speak and hoping for the best, hoping that no one will notice a thing. That I will be strong for the few hours I'll be there. I am leaving with school in the afternoon to enjoy 4 incredible days of Spanish sun, Barcelona is going to be awesome. I can't wait to go shopping, drink some awesome Starbucks coffee and simply have a good time. We'll be walking all day so those calories will burn off with ease, so I will be okay.

Ah well, it's time to pack my stuff and shoot off to work later on today, hopefully everyone will have a good week, don't give up right before the miracle.

Much love, A. Stone



1 comment:

  1. Have a lovely time in barcelona :)

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