Tuesday, 2 February 2010
She falls asleep and all she thinks about is you.
Every morning when I wake up I doubt if I should get up, if I should get out of bed and face another day. If I am ready for another day full of drama; a day full of temptation. I'm exhausted, this time not only physically.
My body is still fighting against the flu which I am still lightly suffering from, fever and headaches are something I have to face every other day. Not that bad, but after one week it starts to get annoying. It starts to bother you, and when it does everything will go wrong.
I've had a good day. Only ate tomatoes and crackers without running to the bathroom right after that. Every night I have to binge pretending I am taking a shower because of my parents; who still desperately force me to eat my food.
Mum can't always control herself like dad can; she will probably do anything to make me eat.
Never forget; nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
As I am typing this little blog for you, my little group of followers, I am literally forcing myself not to fall asleep on my desk right here, right now.
It feels like my pillow screams my name, my bed looks so comfortable and after my exercises I think I deserve a good nights sleep.
(So irrelevant; but did anyone ever notice how the word 'bed' looks like a bed? Is this just me?)
Going to have to weigh myself tomorrow; first thing in the morning. I am terrified of the numbers that will appear; it feels like I gained weight and if that has happened, I will make myself suffer. I will have to; there has to be nothing but control and if I can't control myself, I will never be perfect.
Sólo quiero la perfección.