Ah hello lovely world.

Nothing really matters, nothing really matters at all.

When all your dreams are shattered everything is beautiful.

I've been so horribly busy, ill, and being watched that blogging will not happen as often as I want to, as I need to. But my brother will get back to Amsterdam soon, and as soon as that happens I will eventually get my freedom back.

I've been busy, since I now finally have a boyfriend I have to spent time with him I'd usually spent on here. My pre-exams are next week and I have to catch up with 8 weeks of homework - which is a LOT... I am not even half way, and I am already exhausted. I've suffered from horrible migraine, horrible flu and horrible hangovers.

Had a great Saturday night though! Had to work and before that I quickly dropped M. his bag off at his work, which is right next to mine. We talked, laughed and it was all very comfortable. Work wasn't too bad either, for the first time in ages I had a good laugh with some of my colleagues... And after that I had a little party at my house, since my mum was away for the weekend.

I can't remember all that much, but lets say that eventually I've been sort of.. poledancing (oh boy boy boy..), I've laid on the ground. Laughed until I gagged and drinking too many shots. For the weight thing, I am doing okay. I've lost a little, not much just a little. But it's enough for now. Blowing up my cover, ruining my whole life would be stupid while I will lose it as soon as my brother has left for Amsterdam. Since he's home it's hell in this hell house again.

Everyone hates me I suppose. I am not even allowed to study with M, even though he'd be able to help me. Even though he's amazing, and SO good at history. He's great at it and I used to be great it, but if he would be able to help me.. That would make my day... Because I'd be sure I would at least pass one of those damn pre-exams.

McFly concert in 11 days, hopefully I'll be thinner by then, hopefully I'll get front row. :)

I'll be back soon,

all my love, x