Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Here comes the storm.

You said you wanted love, and I gave it, I said I wanted trust
But I did no wrong, does she turn you on?
You went and did the things that betrayed us and if I did the same?
And if that were real? How would you feel?

I am upset with the world today. So this is possibly not going to be very inspiring.

My ex is coming back from his holiday tomorrow and I am still going to kick his ass for nearly killing my dearest laptop. Now I am just wondering if I am gonna do that while his girlfriend is standing next to him so I will feel awful and jealous.. Or am I gonna take him apart so his girlfriend will get jealous? It will mean that I am less vicious so I am not too sure. We'll see it as soon as I see him, I will react on an impulse.

I can't believe it, I can't believe that my parents are so f.cking stupid, they have literally no idea how fucking clueless they are. I've been a fan of this band for about nine years and I had to wait two years for a new album. Now they are doing a small theatre tour in the UK for the diehard fans in October.
So I talked to my mother, and she laughed at me. Saying that I was too young. When my brother was 17 he was allowed to go on a holiday with his friends to Spain for two weeks and I am not allowed to go to the UK for three days? This gig would have been the perfect opportunity to see my friend in the UK again. I am wondering if she is just doing this to make me feel miserable.

The gig would have been such a push to lose more weight, always when something exciting or something important happens I tell myself I have to lose a certain amount of weight and I have never failed with something like that. NEVER.

Yesterday I kept my promise and I went to the stores to buy my pills. They, did not have them anymore. EVERYWHERE. They were sold out. What is up with that? I live in a small town and everyone is bloody anorexic all of sudden? I now bought some other ones but I am not sure if they'll work so this is completely stressing me out since I now have to wait at least one week before I can buy the other ones since I don't have any bloody money left. This means that I can be losing a week progress, and school starts in two weeks already. I want to at least look good on the first day of school.. :(

On the other hand, I will lose the weight eventually. Since I wont give up, I am not someone who quits something. I fight, I fight until I get knocked out. And when I am about to fail?
I fight harder, I fight until there is nothing left to fight for. And I don't have a choice, do I?
I wont stop and I will get my ass to the UK somehow, because who am I to deny myself the weight loss and the pleasure?

Much love,
A. Stone

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain about the first day of school. I live in the US and school has already started for me. I looked awful, dispite my every effort. :( Stay Stong. E-mail me sometime.