Once upon a time there was a girl with an eating disorder trying to find a balance between the good and the bad. She has to deal with the evil demons inside her head, dragons roaring in her stomach, dwarves, giants, fairies and tons of guys pretending to be the knight in shiny armor.
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Here comes the storm.
You said you wanted love, and I gave it, I said I wanted trust But I did no wrong, does she turn you on? You went and did the things that betrayed us and if I did the same? And if that were real? How would you feel?
I am upset with the world today. So this is possibly not going to be very inspiring.
My ex is coming back from his holiday tomorrow and I am still going to kick his ass for nearly killing my dearest laptop. Now I am just wondering if I am gonna do that while his girlfriend is standing next to him so I will feel awful and jealous.. Or am I gonna take him apart so his girlfriend will get jealous? It will mean that I am less vicious so I am not too sure. We'll see it as soon as I see him, I will react on an impulse.
I can't believe it, I can't believe that my parents are so f.cking stupid, they have literally no idea how fucking clueless they are. I've been a fan of this band for about nine years and I had to wait two years for a new album. Now they are doing a small theatre tour in the UK for the diehard fans in October.
So I talked to my mother, and she laughed at me. Saying that I was too young. When my brother was 17 he was allowed to go on a holiday with his friends to Spain for two weeks and I am not allowed to go to the UK for three days? This gig would have been the perfect opportunity to see my friend in the UK again. I am wondering if she is just doing this to make me feel miserable.
The gig would have been such a push to lose more weight, always when something exciting or something important happens I tell myself I have to lose a certain amount of weight and I have never failed with something like that. NEVER.
Yesterday I kept my promise and I went to the stores to buy my pills. They, did not have them anymore. EVERYWHERE. They were sold out. What is up with that? I live in a small town and everyone is bloody anorexic all of sudden? I now bought some other ones but I am not sure if they'll work so this is completely stressing me out since I now have to wait at least one week before I can buy the other ones since I don't have any bloody money left. This means that I can be losing a week progress, and school starts in two weeks already. I want to at least look good on the first day of school.. :(
On the other hand, I will lose the weight eventually. Since I wont give up, I am not someone who quits something. I fight, I fight until I get knocked out. And when I am about to fail?
I fight harder, I fight until there is nothing left to fight for. And I don't have a choice, do I?
I wont stop and I will get my ass to the UK somehow, because who am I to deny myself the weight loss and the pleasure?