Free Falling

Close your eyes, calm down. Take a deep breath, or two.

Think things through, count to ten. Don't make stupid, impulsive mistakes like you did in the past...

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, or two.

Listen to your heart, what is it saying? Go for it, just jump off your comfort zone and start free falling.

I've always been the girl who thought things through. I analyzed a situation and came up with the best solution, the best thing to either do or say.

I was the girl people called sane, she would never do it without a good reason for it.

And I am sick and tired of being that girl.

I used to be so much fun, always doing things on impulses, making people think I was insane. I had great fun, every day was a laugh. Honestly, it was. Now I just think if it's reasonable if I would do something like that..

What I am trying to say is; that even my relationship is based on making the right decisions. He's my brother his best friend, he's a colleague. Kissing him was already something that I shouldn't have done, but this relationship thing... I think it's both sucking the life out of us, at least it sucks the life out of me. I don't need good luck, but I need good love and someone who will be there for me no matter that. I can't take the pain of hurting him again, I can't. But he's a controlfreak.. And I am a free spirit, with ratio.

I always have to worry if I am not hurting my feelings, it's so distracting that I lost track of my weight. Until at one point I didn't even cáre anymore.

I think that I might have to break up with him, not only because of the fact that I am losing all the goals in my life because of him, but also because I don't think this is working out.

It can also be that I am just complaining because I forgot that we had been seeing each other for two months, and he didn't. Oh boy I've got crazy issues.

So, moving on. The weight subject.

I reached my old goal weight, the one I had a few years ago. 43 kilograms. I am worried that my parents are starting to notice something, a friend of me started asking questions earlier this week and that was qúite terrifying.

Of course I could convince her that nothing was wrong, it had something to do with my mono. Because I was sleeping all day through and wasn't allowed to exercise..

Ohh I can't wait for the summer holidays.. Three weeks left. Three weeks left.

I promised myself, if I pass this year I can get myself some more pills. Otherwise, I can jut as well get fat because it'd mean that I am unsuccessful either way. (:

Oh well, gonna watch some telly and work out later on today. Got plans with le boyfriend later on so I guess we'll see how it goes and if it sucks.. Well then I simply have to figure something out.

Much love,

A.Stone